When I first started out painting again in 2014, I felt it was important to say ‘I am an artist’, in order to build up my confidence to continue. It seemed a vital thing to say that the act of making art would de facto make you an artist. I needed to be defensive about it, in the face of doubt both from other people and from within myself. I realised today that I don’t feel this anymore. i’m now very comfortable saying that ‘I am trying to be an artist’, and that I am ‘trying to make art’. When I started out, I was paddling in the shallows, trying it out, but not entirely committing, and yet I made the bold statement ‘I am an artist’. Now I am comfortable diving in to the deep parts of the ocean, but unafraid of nothing showing up. The point of having a studio practice, with having a process, is the realisation that maybe about 1 in 5 ideas land, that 1 in 5 things are ok, maybe even less. When you are working from this assumption, it can be much more relaxing. I feel knowledgable about my own work, it belongs to me. I trust that when it starts to go wrong (and it always does), I will be able to either pull it around or abandon it without a sense of loss.

Maybe this is a temporary place, and one day I will again need to say ‘I am an artist’. Maybe it won’t be driven by need or desire, but will be a simple statement of fact. Actually when I think about it, I believe that being an artist, proper, is being in this state anyway.